The New World
Pierre Le Schtroumpf
Unfortunate guttersnipe recruited into an adventuring coterie well above his pay grade
“Ah, Pierre, Pierre! Soon zee taverns will ring of song celebrating zee skill, daring and martial strength of Pierre le Schtroumpf! Pay no attention to naysayers and gossipers who say otherwise! And certainly not Dirty Francois, he is liar. Also everyone at Le Couronne et Etoiles tavern, is a filthy place with filthy untruthtellers.
“Stars shone bright the day Pierre le Schtroumpf was born, to a Mrs le Schtroumpf and Papa le Schtroumpf who was no doubt strong of heart and healthy of bowel. Papa was in army, or maybe a sailor away a lot, and memory of youth is hazy. Everyone say Pierre’s mother knew a lot of sailors, so must be true. Mama left Pierre in tavern and went to find Papa one day, or at least is best recollection of facts. I sit in tavern all day and all night under table consuming healthy scraps, but she not come back. Ze tavern master kick me out on street eventually, so I wait outside in cold for three days. By then I work out that mother probably lost like Papa, so I leave and start looking for food til she come back.
“Mama not come back, or maybe come back after I leave. Is hard to know.
“So Pierre sad, but also happy! Pierre now out in world by himself to forge own destiny, take Fate by throat and threaten with beating til gold fill pockets. Is very daunting for boy of four and half years, but Pierre brave! Pierre strong!
Pierre take many blows from fellow gutter-dwellers over years, but Pierre heal well and anyway like nose that shape, is distinguished. Pierre learn to work on boats catching fish and sailing boats for high pay and all ze fishheads I can eat. Also learn art of… how you say, sneakytime? Brave Pierre not a thief or lampjack of any kind, yet discretion better part of valour and sometime it better to avoid fight than risk belly being turned to chutney by knifes.
“Also people think because you not had a bath in many days you some kind of thief because you have their purse in your pocket, which you found on floor all alone and anyway doesn’t look much like theirs. Wine makes fool of us all, sometime three or four times a night! Is understandable. Being a good citizen I help fellow drunks home, with only taking small payment as tip for services rendered. Any head injuries are completely coincidental and probably caused by improper sleep position. Should use straw mattress, promote healthy sleep and is posturepedic.
“Lately Pierre is involved in whirlwind adventure! A mysterious man come to Pierre, he say ‘I shall pay you well for a small favour, escorting a lady,’ and Pierre say, ‘Hey, Pierre is not like that! He is proud and mannered and not selling body, but perhaps this one time if lady is attractive.’ Man shakes his head and raises hand to face, no doubt wondering at the amazing morality that shines from Pierre! He say: ‘No, as ze bodyguard. It is only a short journey and you will be well-paid.’ Pierre not have anything on at moment, and man obviously kind and virtuous for poor lady who need help so Pierre agree.
“Next thing Pierre know he surrounded by rascals and ze mysterious man gone. They say I kidnapped lady, who is princess of Montaigne! I say no, they pay me for escorting, but mysterious man is obviously cheat and charalatan and lure poor Pierre off straight and narrow! They rescue princess from me even though I am royalist and get pretty mug every time there is wedding. Then we have chase by other rascals, but first coterie of rascals flee and make me reload pistols as they shoot at second rascals group chasing us. Was much fun! Then barrel fall of Pierre and leg broken, then stuffed in fallen barrel. Was not so fun, especially when Pierre get seasick and sick has nowhere to go in barrel.
“So Pierre join up, nay, is joined! by brave rascals who have almost much skill at arms and wit as brave Pierre, although does rankle a bit when Pierre not allowed inside due to pukey shirt and snooty country people ways. Then some things happen and princess is returned to king who rewards Pierre with big fat sack of cash and calls Pierre own personal friend! We have tea together every Tuesday afternoon, and then play thumbwrestles. Pierre usually win.”
— An autobiography of and dictated by Pierre le Schtroumpf, written by William Douglas, secretary to the Albish ambassador in the Poissons du Soleil tavern.
(Pierre was later arrested for threatening persons of stature with a weapon, denial of freedom with said weapon, public intoxication and nonpayment of tavern bill. In his own defense, Pierre claimed at the time that the gentleman had wanted to write down his story as he had been writing a letter to his mother back home anyway, had wanted to see his pistol and had offered to pay for all the drinks. Due to le Schtroumpf’s escape from custody and continued non-appearance, the case is still ongoing.)
Pierre le Schtroumph (268 points)
Age 38; Human; 5’ 1"; 115 lbs;
A somewhat ratty man, unkempt and a bit dirty. Leather jacket and pants, white shirt, ruff, lots of lace, brace of pistols. Short hair.
—- Social Stigma (Criminal Record Bought Off
-) [-5]; Appearance (Unattractive) [-4]; Compulsive Carousing (12 or less) [-5]; Cowardice (12 or less) [-10]; Greed (12 or less) [-15]; Skinny [-5]; Unluckiness [-10].
Quirks: Code of Honor; Congenial; Distractible; Humble; Nervous Stomach [-5].
Acrobatics-10 (DX-2) 1; Acting-12 (IQ+1) 4; Area Knowledge (Port Rennier)-14 (IQ+3) 8; Armoury/TL4 (Small Arms)-10 (IQ-1) 1; Axe/Mace-13 (DX+1) 4; Boating/TL4 (Sailboat)-11 (DX-1) 1; Boating/TL4 (Unpowered)-11 (DX-1) 1; Brawling-13 (DX+1) 2; Climbing-11 (DX-1) 1; Cooking-10 (IQ-1) 1; Counterfeiting/TL4-11 (IQ+0) 4; Detect Lies-12 (Per+0) 4; Escape-10 (DX-2) 1; Fast-Draw (Knife)-12 (DX+0) 1; Fast-Draw (Pistol)-13 (DX+1) 2; Filch-11 (DX-1) 1; First Aid/TL4 (Human)-11 (IQ+0) 1; Fishing-12 (Per+0) 1; Forgery/TL4-10 (IQ-1) 1; Gambling-12 (IQ+1) 4; Gesture-11 (IQ+0) 1; Guns/TL4 (Musket)-13 (DX+1) 1; Guns/TL4 (Pistol)-15 (DX+3) 8; Holdout-11 (IQ+0) 2; Jumping-12 (DX+0) 1; Knife-13 (DX+1) 2; Lockpicking/TL4-12 (IQ+1) 4; Merchant-11 (IQ+0) 2; Musical Instrument (Ocarina)-9 (IQ-2) 1; Panhandling-12 (IQ+1) 2; Pickpocket-12 (DX+0) 4; Riding (Equines)-11 (DX-1) 1; Running-12 (HT+2) 8; Savoir-Faire (Mafia)-12 (IQ+1) 2; Seamanship/TL4-12 (IQ+1) 2; Search-14 (Per+2) 8; Shadowing-12 (IQ+1) 4; Sleight of Hand-10 (DX-2) 1; Smuggling-13 (IQ+2) 8; Stealth-14 (DX+2) 8; Swimming-10 (HT+0) 1; Teamster (Equines)-10 (IQ-1) 1; Urban Survival-15 (Per+3) 12; Wrestling-11 (DX-1) 1.